Spanish Wells

[HALF-A-HAMIAN]

Two Segillions are sitting on the seawall one night, looking at the moon. One says to the other, "You ever wonder which is closer, the moon, or Florida?" So the other looks at him and says, "Hass, can you see Florida??"

[HALF-A-HAMIAN]

Slim, an Spanish Wells handyman, and his assistant Curly make their way north to Abaco to find work. After knocking on doors for a few days, Slim finds work refinishing a basement in a nice home. The owner agrees to pay Slim $20 an hour and Curly $12 an hour. Since he already met Slim the homeowner insists on meeting Curly. After all, if someone is going to be in your home you should get to know them.

So the homeowner tells Slim to call in Curly so everyone can get to know each other.

Slim puts two fingers between his teeth, lets a whistle rip, and yells, “CuuurrrrrLEEE!!!”

Then from out of the truck, as fast as can be, a pig runs up to Slim. “Curly, we are going to be working for this man and he wants to get to know ya,” Slim says. Curly then sits at the homeowner’s feet and looks up real bright-eyed like.

The homeowner is aghast and more than a bit shocked. “Sir, when I agreed to the wage, I was under the impression I would be paying for your helper. And I dare say that I did assume that your helper would be…ahhh…a human being.”

Slim comes to Curly’s defense. “He is as good a helper as you can get. Watch this: Curly, go get me a 20 ounce claw hammer.” Curly runs as fast as he can to the truck and brings back a 20 ounce claw hammer.

“Why that was just plain dumb luck. Or maybe a parlor trick designed to fool me,” the homeowner says indignantly.

“I tell ya, Curly is the best helper and can do whatever you ask him to do. You go ahead, you ask him yer-self,” Slim says.

“Curly, go to the truck and bring back a half-round, bull-nose router bit and 3 drywall screws and put them next to my left foot,” the homeowner requests knowing with full certainly there would be no chance of success.

Quick as a flash Curly brings back exactly what the homeowner asked and gently places the items next to the homeowner’s shoe so they wouldn’t get scuffed.

Astounded the homeowner says, “Slim, I’m happy to pay Curly the wage as agreed. I’m actually quite impressed. But I do have one question. How is it that he is a three-legged pig?”

“Well sir” Slim says “A pig this useful you just don’t want to eat all at once.”